Tuesday, January 15, 2019

I have been going through things which my emotions just build up. I need to write more because times like this just keep tearing me apart. Going on 4 years with my amazing boyfriend whose father gave him a choice not that long ago. His father or me... it has been two painful months with this news and having to be a secret kept away from his father. He never really liked me in the picture since the beginning. I have done nothing wrong to him or his son. Some who know me or this issue that's been distracting me from life have told me "I don't see why he hates you so much, your honest... trusting... let alone the first person id go to for help..." Why can't I just be accepted? What did I do wrong? why am I to blame? I can fix myself but I won't change for you?

Image result for full of emotions abstract

Monday, January 14th 11:13 pm

Dear whoever reading this,

Right now just wishing for him to hold me closer than ever before. I'm convinced I'm no good... let alone too far to nurture back to health (10 min.). I'm beyond confused but depression is an ugly use of a word. Letting my feelings get ahold of who I truly am. Unable to breathe but you're not around. My emotions tricking me and filling me up with lies. Your my truth, my strength till every tomorrow but life seems to have a different picture. Step by step... seems to be the hardest thing to do. Just to feel like myself, I need and want you. 

I lay in a mess I keep creating for myself. Putting it on you as if your who did this to me. It's me to blame no more than it is I. The messes im laying in after each upsetting call ending without you understanding... "YOUR MY WORLD" not just how its told in movies or sung in songs. Even saying "I LOVE YOU" is no match for how I feel. I feel alone as of now. Putting me on hold won't mask my hate and fear of ending alone. 

Tears falling onto your jacket that I wear when im in need of your un-controlling love. When I'm in need of your warmth on my cold skin. Your jacket I keep as my security blanket, times like so... I won't let go. As tears run down my face I am to believe this action of mine shows how much you mean to me. 

To assure me that days like this won't win I tell myself  "We will get through this, we have to". Just to feel your comfort in moments like this. I hope to lay asleep with only you to dream of. Can you just assure me you feel the same if not better?

Purple is the last color I see. It's not you but you are the one I seek for such LOVE. Pictures saved on my phone start to just be pictures after looking at them all over and over again. Reliving each and every good memory together, it's not enough. It's not the same... you need to be here, im just going insane.

You're not just a call through my phone--- You're not just a voice I wish to hear--- You're not just the man I want to be with right now. YOUR MY GOALS IN LIFE! End-less calls but only a few words. Days and night of random thoughts of how I made our situation worse for you to pull me away. The power of enemies can reword my responses or actions I wish to share with you. I bare my own fear apart from you. Each and every day filling with emptiness digging me deeper in my mess of thoughts. Some overwhelmed built up lines with the lies told by others wanting US apart. Testing my truth about US all this time. What do I do? I'm just no good without you. Please save our strongest memories and share with me like they are your own stories.


TO BE CONTINUED. 










Saturday, December 8, 2018

The Children of America


Desi-Baby.jpg

Socorro in America
America, more than Candido, felt that bringing a new life into this already crazy world would bring more blessings. After all, that is typically what bringing a chid into this world means, right? It was certainly the complete opposite for both America and Candido. Candido worked as hard as he could in order to save money for the home that America envisioned. She wanted chickens, a fridge, and a restroom where she could shower. I believe Candido's dream was to make America happy, and America could only hope that her child would have a roof over her head. As her pregnancy progressed, America realized that things were not changing and their situation was only getting worse. In this day and age, many immigrants believe that their children will have a better future if they are born in the United States. It is somehow just written in their cards if they're born here. "She had her baby, and every living cell and hair of it was a miracle, the thing she'd done herself though her father said she was stupid and her mother called her clumsy and lazy and unreliable-her creation, beautiful and undeniable. But who could she show her off to? Who's was going to admire Socorro, the North American beauty, born with nothing in the land of plenty?" ("The Tortilla Curtain", page 333-334). Even though Socorro felt like a blessing to the new mother America, this baby was the downfall of their future in the North. Just recently, a video surfaced on the news of a woman passing her child through the bars that separate Mexico and the United States. How can she believe that anything in her and her child's life will change by just being in the U.S. What will happen is that they will get processed and be deported. Living in a border city, I have seen plenty of people that were born in the U.S. but reside in Mexico. They don't have a brighter future due to the sole fact that they were born here. If America didn't have this idea embedded in her mind that her life would be better by having her baby born in the U.S., her situation might've turned out differently. 

Socorro was more loved than Jordan
Our choice on what to talk about for the Wiki-Curtain on the book The Tortilla Curtain is Jordan and Socorro. Of course, there are so many things and characters that you can talk about from this story but we chose to focus on the children. Since the beginning of the story we hear about both children and as the story progresses you can realize major differences in their lives. First, we have introduced Jordan who is already a grown boy, as the story progresses we see a little bit more of him. He is always playing with his video games, barely interacts with his parents and is mostly forgotten throughout the story by both the parents and the reader. On the other hand, Socorro isn’t born until the last chapters of the story and goes through quite a lot. She isn’t easily forgettable since you always hear about America’s pregnancy. Her existence has always seemed to be a sign of hope for her parents, at least in our perspective as a reader. With everything her parents go through in order for her to be born in a nice place and not suffer we are lead to believe she’ll be a positive change for them. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case, which gives makes us wonder why she’s rubbed in our face so much only to end terribly. That’s not the only question that comes up in our minds either, such as why is Jordan neglected when Socorro is acknowledged through the story? Or what each child represents individually in the story? To what is seen Jordan represents new generations who spend most of the time glued to a screen and with the little interaction they give people forget about their existence. Socorro reminded us how it’s said that babies change your life, usually for the best. In this story though, it doesn’t happen like that at all. Socorro’s presence in the story didn’t help anyone but actually made everything worse. America was forced to stay in a situation she didn’t want to be in and Candido was going nuts not being able to provide for his family. At least in her case, America and Candido did everything they could for her. Whereas Jordan’s mother, Kyra, is mostly worried about her job and gave more importance to her dead dogs than to her own son in the story. Delaney who isn’t his biological father takes care of him more than Kyra does. Clearly, there are many differences between these two kids like the way they live, the attention they receive from their parents, their meaning in the story, you name it. It’s interesting to think about their differences and what they could each represent in this story.

Socorro means "Help"
Giving birth to a baby girl has changed everything for this couple. All that's happened with America and Candido when giving birth to there baby girl was good news, or so everyone would expect. America was is tons of pain, she had no choice but to stop. With a fire consuming around them Candido was hoping the fire wouldn't get to them (Boyle, T.C). When he looked at the Mossbacher's house and looked around, it was deserted (Boyle, T.C). Candido realized that families were evacuating the area due to the fire. It became darker and nerve-racking for Candido he eventually had to stay up all night to be sure everyone was safe from the fire. America had a hold on the neighbors' cat during labor (Boyle, T.C). “As he wraps his head around the fact that he is a father, the father of a daughter, América tells him that she will name the child Socorro, which means ‘help’ in Spanish” (Boyle, T.C). In this unstable filthy shed to give birth in, Candido was expecting a son. “The baby is delivered successfully and both Cándido and América are overjoyed. Cándido cuts the cord and cleans the baby” (Boyle, T.C). He was just as grateful for there daughter. Candido needs to provide more support and living for his little family. This little girl gave Candido hope that life was just about to restart but America was unhappy. She wanted more for her daughter than no house to call home and a father that was believed to have bad luck. She wanted to move back to Mexico for a better life for her daughter. I am surprised with how people can assume many different outcomes when Socorro was born (Boyle, T.C). I believed the best was to come but my group members had different views. Come to find out we were all shocked to know they lost the baby later into the novel when a flood occurred (Boyle, T.C). This is such a complicated life for individuals who just planned on having a better life. Losing a baby, a place more than once, a job that was all replaced with bad luck and worse situations. This upsetting couple went to hell and back over and over again, simple as that.

Rockstar by Nickelback
Nickelback “Rockstar”                             Tortilla Curtain
“ (So how are you gonna do it?) I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame I'd even cut my hair and change my name. Cause we all want to be big rockstars

“I’m going up the road to the labor exchange to see if I can’t …. see if I might ….. find something”  (26)
“ I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs and a bathroom I can play baseball in and a king size tub big enough for ten plus me’
“ A house, a yard, maybe a TV and a car too-nothing fancy, no places like the gringos built-just four walls and a roof. Was that too much to ask?” (29)
“ I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels Hire 8 bodyguards that love to beat up assholes sign a couple autographs so I can eat my meals for free. (I’ll have a quesadilla on the house) I’m gonna dress my ass with the latest fashion,”
“ ‘Maybe a motel’ she said ‘-just for a night. We could take a shower, ten showers, shower all night. This water’s dirty, filthy, full of scum and bugs. It stinks. My hair smells like an old dog.’” (210)
“ Well, we all just wanna be big rockstars. And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars. The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat. And we'll hang out in the coolest bars”
“ Mexican illegals Candido and America desperately cling to their vision of the American Dream as they fight off starvation in a makeshift camp.” (Intro)

This We Believe
Although this novel was published over 20 years ago, the concept that TC Boyle wrote about is still something that we see in today's modern world. The main idea in this novel is that nobody truly knows what someone is going through in their life unless they are in their shoes. As residents in a city that borders Mexico, we have witnessed the struggles that immigrants face when they come in to the United States. In present time, we are seeing hundreds of Hondurans fleeing their country to cross into America. This book has insight into some of the struggles these Honduran immigrants might face if they actually get across the border. We believe TC Boyle not only wanted to open the eyes of the uneducated in the topic of immigrants in America, but also he wanted to show the feelings from people on both sides.

Saturday, December 1, 2018

"Love of My Life"



Sarah Parrish

English 110

Jay Lewenstein

01 Dec. 2018





          This couple believed nothing will go wrong in life but it did. Love is blinding and young people confuse love with reality. When Jeremy said “I didn't do anything wrong”, leads me to believe he thought he was saying the truth. When you tell yourself something over and over you tend to forget what really happens. In this situation, Jeremy believes he's done nothing wrong but everything is wrong. Being told to toss the baby in the dumpster by an emotional chick that just gave birth was wrong to do. Young couples who are hit with difficult choices tend to only think about how the problem will affect others then how to overcome them together. In the long run, what Jeremy did was beyond wrong by he was told to do so by the love of his life. His (at the time) life partner was in pain and conflicted with emotions, she was unfit to tell Jeremy what to do with the baby. All she could think about was how others would think of her with a baby on her hip in class and she refused to be a young mother. To lost with keeping the baby a secret but when she gave birth, the young couple was conflicted with un-knowledge information for the next step. They are both to blame for what's happened to there baby. He's now in a prison cell and she gets away with an anklet.
Sarah Parrish
English 110
Jay Lewenstein
21 Nov. 2018


Wiki-Curtain Project - Summary of Scene
Giving birth to a baby girl has changed everything for this couple. All that's happened with America and Candido when giving birth to there baby girl was good news, or so everyone would expect. America was is tons of pain, she had no choice but to stop. With a fire consuming around them Candido was hoping the fire wouldn't get to them (Boyle, T.C). When he looked at the Mossbacher house and looked around, it was deserted (Boyle, T.C). Candido realized that families were evacuating the area due to the fire. It became darker and nerve-racking for Candido he eventually had to stay up all night to be sure everyone was safe from the fire. America had a hold on the neighbors' cat during labor (Boyle, T.C). “As he wraps his head around the fact that he is a father, the father of a daughter, América tells him that she will name the child Socorro, which means ‘help’ in Spanish” (Boyle, T.C). In this unstable filthy shed to give birth in, Candido was expecting a son. “The baby is delivered successfully and both Cándido and América are overjoyed. Cándido cuts the cord and cleans the baby” (Boyle, T.C). He was just as grateful for their daughter. Candido needs to provide more support and living for his little family. This little girl gave Candido hope that life was just about to restart but America was unhappy. She wanted more for her daughter than no house to call home and a father that was believed to have bad luck. She wanted to move back to Mexico for a better life for her daughter. I am surprised with how people can assume many different outcomes when Socorro was born (Boyle, T.C). I believed the best was to come but my group members had different views. Come to find out we were all shocked to know they lost the baby later into the novel when a flood occurred (Boyle, T.C). This is such a complicated life for individuals who just planned on having a better life. Losing a baby, a place more than once, a job that was all replaced with bad luck and worse situations. This upsetting couple went to hell and back over and over again, simple as that.


Work Cited
Boyle, T.C. “The Tortilla Curtain”  GrAdeSaver.com Web. 21 Nov. 2018.


Monday, November 5, 2018

In English 110, I was assigned this assignment to respond to a chapter in the novel called The Tortilla Curtain. Delaney is the white character that was assumed to be a racist at the beginning of the book. I didn't believe it was true title this chapter towards the middle of the book.

Was this wrong of him to do or was he in his right state of mind?

Delaney is definitely the hater in this part of the book. Despite how he was acting when the cops came around but when a cop translated the Mexicans rights to Spanish, Delaney lost it. Almost causing a riot such as the anti-abortion point he mentions, this was out of hand. At the beginning of this novel, I was lead to believe that Delany was just another white guy being blamed on for his actions. Leaving America's husband on the side of the road was not a mistake in his eyes what so ever. I'm starting to believe he is truly a racist, it's not right at all. He didn't seem like a bad guy in the first chapters now I wish he was the one that got ran over. He's more of a carefree person meaning he knows what he's saying bad or not and still announces to the world. Yes, Delaney has changed in my point of view and it's not a good sight. I want to say, he finally got fed up with all that's been going on. He lost the control of his life, once that wall has been built then his own wife went against him. He greatly lost everything mentally. Who knows, he might just be having a breakdown. He may be considered a hypocrite because of wrongly accusing almost any Mexican throughout the book but say he didn't mean it likes so. I do not appreciate how Delaney has proven me wrong about him from part one chapter one.

What's Next -- "A Movie Made Me Do It"?



Sarah Parrish

Professor Lewenstein

English 110

05 Nov. 2018

Oliver Stone - Memo to John Grisham: What's Next -- "A Movie Made Me Do It"?


Movies are too much for younger audiences, hints why age limits are provided. Oliver Stone is arguing that his films haven’t turn people into killers (para. 1). He is the creator of a few graphic films between 1978-1996 and because of the high violence rate he was awarded best film director (para. 2). People mostly viewed his film called the Natural Born Killers which is when a couple was sent out on a killing spree (para. 2). John Grisham is blaming the media for creating killers upon young viewers (para. 3). Has media been showing young ones how to be violent or is it just how young ones grow up? Media can be horrific and graphics but the creators are just trying to create films that will sell.



Agreeing to disagree among how people may view violence. Blaming the movie or video games for allowing them to teach younger kids how to be violent might just be wrong. “Studies showed that the average teenager spends 1,500 hours a year watching television, compared with 1,100 hours a year in school” (para. 7). With the number of hours sucked away from watching television more than kids should be, is not enough evidence to blame the film creators. Children who are most likely a future killer would have possibly grown up under harsh parenting. Or careless environment. Meaning for those with abusive parents or parents as horrible role models may be affecting their kids with an upsetting future. I would blame the parents for horrible parenting because parents should be educated enough to understand kids are too young to watch horror movies. If a kid has nightmares after a graphic movie do you allow him or her to watch more similar movies?


Growing up in my household, my parents didn't allow my siblings and I to be inside all day long so, we were sent outside. With this lifestyle, I understand kids should be outside being active than being couch potatoes like most are in today's generation. I believe, films are becoming more detailed and explained enough to give young ones ideas but won't turn them into killers after watching a movie. I have three other brothers and they all play video games, pretty much all the time. Yes, I have noticed that they may become upset more than usual but not violent, for the most part. I'm not saying younger ones should be watching horror movies or play video games but it hasn't been prevented. Young kids are very observant and will be watching your every move, that's how they learn. With that note, why are parents allowing their kids to watch violent movies? This is why parents should be sure of what the age limits are when a movie is selected for movie night. I would blame the parents if their child has become a killer because they should be responsible enough to say no to things as a kid is growing up. Allowing children to stay inside behind a screen is taking away their childhood.



Work Cited

Stone, Oliver. “Memo to John Grisham: What’s Next- ‘A Movie Made Me Do It’?” Print. 03 Nov. 2018.

Thursday, November 1, 2018

The Tortilla Curtain

Sarah Parrish
Professor Lewenstein
English 110
November 1st, 2018

Surprize Tortilla Quiz - Part Three - Chapter Six - Cursed

Candido is losing hope and wants life to become easier but instead after all he's been through mother nature just doesn't agree. After the fire destroying everything and leaving nothing of Candidos or Americas things behind. Hope is the last thing on his mind right now. He's so upset having to live like animals but not just himself, his wife and newborn child as well. Shocked to have a beautiful baby girl when wished for a boy, he is still very happy. Things are starting to calm down but Candido is hit with information from his wife saying "I want to move back to Mexico even if I have to walk and starve to get there." Candido believes staying here is best even in their position but he needs to figure out how to help his family and faster than ever. With everything that's happened with Candido, his wife strongly believes that he's cursed. Meaning nothing good ever comes his way and she is so tired of it. Without knowing she's eating the cat that had been there to comfort her during birth, she needs things to change now. I feel horrible for Candido and I wish I could say, "Things will start to work out in time to come." Yet to consider, he might just be cruised as his wife believes. He is feeling very desperate and lost but needs to consider that something will come across his mind. America is giving me mixed signals but I think since Candido is "cursed" that she and the baby may leave him. Before the chapter ends, Candido goes to find work to prove to his wife he is not cursed. With doing so he's left face-to-face with no one else then Delaney himself. Throughout this novel, I'm to believe that nothing good ever comes up when Delaney is involved.

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

The Tortilla Curtain

Sarah Parrish 

Professor Lewenstein

English 110

25 Oct. 2018

Surprize Tortilla Quiz - Part Three - Chapter Four - It's a GIRL!


Candido and America were stuck in an aluminum sheld and the only issue is whether or not they could leave before the fire gets to them. they were in hiding from the flams but just as America yells in pain Candido tries to help her up but noticed something wrong. The baby is coming! slowing putting her back on the ground he sees the babies head. Its night time and the area is up in flames. she grabs the cat for comfort and pushes. her contractions taking away her energy leading her t fall asleep once the baby is born. once the baby was born he thought he now has a son and was thinking about how he will give him everything. little did he know ---Its a girl--- "I'm a father". After he cute the cord and cleans the baby, he finds out they have a little girl he seemed shocked. America said, " I'm naming her Socorro", which means help in Spanish. He was up all night when the two fell asleep just to be sure that the fire doesn't get to them. she is wanting a better life and since they had a daughter things have to change and soon. He steals items from Delaneys' neighborhood. Feeling horrible that he has done so but the only thing that mattered to him was making sure his family was stable and safe till changes were made. Till then, he took a hammer and nails to put up the pallets in a different area where you can see when people will approach. Trips from taking things and almost getting caught, he goes through Delaney's backyard to use the ladder that was given to him so Delaney could go over for his walks.

The Tortilla Curtain


Sarah Parrish

Professor Lewenstein

English 110

Oct. 31, 2018



Tortilla Curtain – Part Three, Chapter Five - Delaney’s Version of "Candid Camera"


After the fireDelaney'ss wife wanted to drive by the Da Ros house. She was very disappointed to find it destroyed. Even though it's not her home it could have been a great one for someone else. She basically vented off to Delaney and he was confused with what to say in order to comfort her. The gated community was destroyed but I bet Delaney enjoyed seeing the gate itself destroyed. moments later still angry a known person named Jack, comes across them. telling the couple to take a cruise with him so he can show them something. on the way to jacks destination, the heat was building up between the three but got to the place before the climax was reached. Jack brought them over to a different community to show them the graffiti because jacks think its very similar to the graffiti at the Da Ros place. "You know what I do see a similarity", said Delaney's wife. Delaney and she are so angry and with that anger, he thinks it's the right time to bring out the camera. In order to rebuild the community, they needed to fix this problem and get evidence. He's up all night for too long and this one day he decided to go with his wife to bed. comes to find why his camera went off but not satisfied. As he looks through the cameras feedback finding Candidos' face, he just gets nowhere.

Community Profile

Sarah Parrish

English 110

Professor Lewenstein

31 October 2018


Community Profile - Refutation – Small Habits Can Change a Person


(Concession:)  Of course, everyone has a different point of view towards every topic. When they bring you into this life, they might not show you great habits. Parents are there to help you avoid loneliness and bad health. People just enjoy feeling calm or relieved even if its just to gain one friend. Having an outlet is everyone's goes to when life just starts to overflow.

(Rebuttal:)  But, the problem is habits are not always good and based on the assumptions of a teenager, being considered cool is all that matters. I mean, basically no one wants to be alone and everyone had a point in time when he or she would do anything to build a friendship. Without knowing the effects or possible causes later in life this would eventually be an issue. Growing up I have yet had a class lecture about smoking other than “Say NO to Drugs” or being told, “If I ever see you smoking you will get a whopping of a lifetime”. The parent thought it would work and scare us off from the issue but I started to see more and more peers smoking. Kids don't think about what they do till it's been done, they start to notice “I did something wrong”.  Instead of opening a discussion of tobacco, present personal stories to how smoking will mess your future up- they tell you what to look forward to.


(Consolidation:) This is what I think: during the early stages of education, teachers should present personal life stories that explains what a person will go through as a long time smoker. With the real opportunity to understand how complicated this simple issue can impact on a person is crazy. No fake talk. No sugar coating. No testing. Just the simple truth that everyone seems to look past. I believe if we had such class many of my friends or even my parents wouldn't have been hooked on tobacco. Students at a young age don't take things seriously, we all know this. This would benefit students from a misunderstanding that cool things are not always considered cool let alone right. There are many fun science activities to show students how smoking can damage your health. None of this is pretty but I wouldn't want black lungs or no voice. It's not about picking on those who got stuck with this habit but to be sure fewer people have to worry about there next doctors appointment. Bad news will affect you, so why are you willing to put all that stress and worry on the rest of your family.   not just about you, it's about your loved ones and the people around you. Everyone will be affected by your choices even if you don't notice it now. Our goal should be for our community to embrace their true stories and hope it makes a difference with someone else before its too late.

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Sarah Parrish 

Professor Lewenstein

English 110

10-22-18

Jay’s Delayed Thesis Structure: Habits Affecting Our Air


We are reaching the point in time where people are caring less and less about what we are breathing. There are many simple mistakes every human is doing that has affected our air in some way or another. I believe that if we educate our communities more about how pollution we can increase the human lifespan. My future kids will not grow up a healthy life if our air is just increasing with negative elements. People who are smoking are losing control of there life and taking ten years off. Why do people live to destroy themselves? When people start smoking its usually at a young age.  So, at the time they are assuming that its “cool” to smoke and it's a way to become popular. Little did they know, making this an everyday thing they are hurting themselves. Let's educate our people better to avoid teens with no parents.

I have been going through things which my emotions just build up. I need to write more because times like this just keep tearing me apart. G...